There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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