Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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