ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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