Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
