all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
