Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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