Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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