Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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