I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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