I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
