my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
