I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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