She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
