Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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