She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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