can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
