Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize