take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
