I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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