i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
