Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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