I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Two words: nipple clamps
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