I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
