tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize