his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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