i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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