How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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