Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
