false alarm. still invincible.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize