I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
