U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
