your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
