Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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