Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
