she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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