right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize