yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
