I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
