In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
