We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
