My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
