i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
