Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
