How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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