You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
