Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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