I puked a lego.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize