there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
