If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
