It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
