Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
