I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
