is wine microwaveable?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
