My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
two words: eviction party
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
