I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
