I smell stomach acid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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