On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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