My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
