just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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