i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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