Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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