when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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